The wind was blowing wildly, and the roar of the engines was almost as loud as the pounding of my heart. It was actually my turn to go first. I stood in the door. The sergeant was pacing behind me like a caged cat waiting for the green light to send me into the abyss. He was angered by my lack of fear. Little did he know that this was the flight of an escapee from a previous mundane existence. I was ready, but would this finally do it? Would this make a man out of me? Shockingly, the U. S. Army’s basic training did not. I looked down the ranks of my companions. Their eyes were wild with fear, and their faces were blank, completely consumed by what was about to happen. There was the signal. I winked at the sergeant. I cannot repeat what he said, but in his world it was a compliment. Like a professional high diver, I stepped out with perfect form. The turbulence embraced me. I looked behind me to see the tail of the plane as it pulled way. I was floating. I was at peace. Moments later I was on the ground. With no exaggeration, at that very moment, the adrenalin in my veins could have enabled me to pick up a small car. “Okay ladies, pick up your chutes and get off my drop zone,” the sergeant airborne bellowed. I had passed an initiation, but strangely enough it was not the one I was hoping for.
Another initiation came years after my soaring dive into the heavens. The problems in the Middle East whispered of military conflict. I sat in the barracks with the others. It was my second Christmas away while being stationed in Germany. Since leaving the U.S. Amy’s airborne school, life had returned to the mundane. There was a knock at the door. It was the commander. “At Ease; Merry Christmas, men. Since you are the few who did not opt to go home, you get to be the first to know; we are going to war.” Would this be the test that would initiate me into the ranks of men? The battle in the Gulf was over almost as soon as it had begun. On February twenty fourth, we sat poised on the border. The engine of our armored vehicle hummed and sent vibrations through our bodies. Our weapons were locked and loaded, pointed toward the vast featureless desert that lay ahead. The order was given. The vehicle lurched forward. The imaginary line that represented the border turned into a cloud of smoke behind us. We were on the move like a giant armada. Hundreds and hundreds of armored vehicles poured forth. To our enemy we must have looked like hordes of ants descending from the mound. The air was thick with dust as the night drew on. It would be impossible to breathe or see without our masks and goggles. Boom, there it was. The first shot had been fired. Everyone jumped and fixated on the rise of fire and smoke coming from the impact area. In unison, three tanks locked on and fired on the flames, sending their target into oblivion. We were unstoppable. By daybreak, we were the new kings of this domain. There were craters, wrecks, and bodies. The damage was mostly the result of the air campaign that had gone before us. There was no enemy to conquer. Only scared surrendering bands remained. We surveyed the area for days, which turned into weeks. Our specialty was demolition. Our orders were to destroy. Anything that was left behind was to be destroyed so that it could never be used to wage war again. With explosives in my hand, I picked my target. The blast was loud. My first target was a vehicle. There was a building, an oil tanker, and even a military outpost that saw its end in incineration. I had passed another initiation but the feeling I sought still escaped me.
I returned home and forgot about my quest. I departed the military without drinking from the well within. Finding a source of income, a career, a place to live, and a woman’s love became my new focus. I moved many times and had several jobs. I found a job and excelled. I found new battles and was known to walk the edge. I had a career, but it was one without passion. I realized that I lacked the education to truly be happy with myself and feel like an adult. Maybe a degree will make a man out of me? I moved to Athens Georgia without a job or college acceptance. It might not have been official, but I knew this would be where I would take the next steps to pick up the quest once again. After a year working as a local policeman, I was accepted as a freshman at UGA, The University of Georgia. I was 30 years old.
The day of my real initiation came on a cool day in March. It is funny how life-changing moments can sneak up on you. One moment you are who you are, and the next moment you find you are someone else. My trusted companion lay in the living room, old in age and ailments. He had just turned eleven, which is a ripe old age for a dog of his type. He was a large, warrior breed who had been at my side through many adventures. He had come with me from Germany and had been my only constant in life through the many moves and changes over the years. He was in pain. Surgery and my love had brought him back from the brink of death. I promised myself that I would let him go should his health fail again. This was that day. I felt it in my soul. He looked into my eyes and for the first time I saw fear. I comforted him. I prayed over him. He died that night in my arms. A part of my soul went with him. I felt so helpless. There was nothing I could do to save him. I had to let him go. He was more then a best friend. I will miss him. Numbness set in as I buried him alone the next day. I realized I had passed the initiation of manhood in my heart. It seems silly, but my initiation came not from adventure or war, but from the love and loss of a dog.
